GRAND RAPIDS—Watch out Yankee Candle, there’s a new line of candles in town.
Following the Kentucky Fried Chicken candle craze that sold out within minutes, and the stink-tacular success of “The Stinky Candle Company,” Zondervan has announced they are launching their own line of biblically themed scented candles.
Next time your small group is studying Exodus, why not fill the air with the aroma of a candle from the limited edition “Escape from Egypt” collection. Best sellers include:
The Ten Plagues Candle
A touch of gnat, a dash of frog, and a hint of blood, this blend of aromas is a must for any Old Testament study. Made with real locusts!
Pillars Pillar Candle
Made with special patented technology, this pillar candle smells like smoke during the day and fire at night. It’s like two candles for the price of one!
Manna Madness Candle
Think the “French Baguette” candle from Bath and Body Works smells like the real deal? Well you’ll be praying for bread to drop out of the sky after you light this candle up!
Even though Christmas is over, you’ll want to check out the candles on clearance from the “Emmanuel” collection and stock up for next year:
Silent Night Candle
Enjoy a calm evening by the glow of the Christmas tree while the smells of hay, sheep, and donkey feces fill the room. It’s like you’re swaddled right there in the manger with baby Jesus!
The Gift of the Magi Candle
What does frankincense smell like? Wonder no more! This careful concoction of frankincense, gold, and myrrh is well worth the wait of up to 2 years in estimated arrival time from the date of purchase.
Celebrating the life of Jesus, Zondervan also added in the “Miracles” collection:
Five Thousand Candle
Upon first glance, you would never think this small votive candle is capable of burning for up to an unprecedented amount of 5,000 hours. But once you waft the succulent scents of a couple fish and a few loaves of bread, your doubts will vanish.
Party’s Not Over Candle
Don’t think all is lost when you see this clear candle. While it may appear to be the color of water, once lit it changes to a deep red hue and soon you’ll smell the sweet scent of fermented grapes. (WARNING: Please do not ingest.)
So next time you sit down for your morning devotional or gather in a friend’s living room for bible study, think about purchasing one of these candles to really get into the spiritually scented spirit. But you better act fast—with candles like these, Zondervan expects to sell out of their first run within the next 30 years.